Memories fade but can never be erased. A thousand steps begin their journey to cross a thousand miles unaware of what all they will be aware of. They begin their trod with a squeak, a petty pretty cry spreading smiles around, cuddled warmly, wrapped around secure in the enclosure of strong arms. The world too bright for the tiny eyes to open, yet, it seems colorful to create a desire. Soon the eyes do will to open. How colorful yet strange it seems, the very instant the unawareness leans to know the secrets of this bizarre image. The innocence of the tiny yawn, muses all these images in front, they make a noise of what they call happiness, a delight rejoicing for what they call a new arrival! what do they mean? they point towards me. who is me? Thoughts and doubts pondering, confused! So fast indeed, the tiny mind can form thoughts! The brightness slowly dimmed to brighten again, the world too amusing for the little eyes not to sleep, but to explore. Life probably, as it is said had started.
A noise always beside, could always feel something, may be later to realize it a touch, yes, but assuring that there was something or someone and the same one beside every time. I learned a new emotion of being secured, yet not knowing why It felt so. Anyway developed an acquaintance, later an attachment towards this someone whom I could never be without, my mother. I later learned, that is what ,this someone is to be called. I made one more friend, another big someone, my father, a very huge someone, I thought so. Never-the-less learned that he did things for me like ...care. Yes, indeed he cared a lot for me. Too many activities, too many noises later became familiar as I started to recognize all. In a span of a few days, months, many new emotions knocked the mind. They puzzled, questioned the mind, but slowly the will to enjoy them hushed all the doubts. What was the “will”? Was it a developing desire?.
I could always see everything around except myself, how did I look to others I never knew until my eyes saw the image of my mother holding a tiny someone?... my mother pointed out to me and said in a recognizable noise that, that other figure was mine …hmmm that was me!!….well… I was lost, looking back and forth, sooner growing up to understand better what the mirror showed. This once unknown image now discovered, day after day appeared more loveable.
Soon I too started making the recognizable noise and was able to understand it clear. Aahh, I learned so much… at such a tiny age. So many friends, all to care for me, I felt happy, no something else some other feeling…just left it , the innocence probably not intriguing enough to find out.
Learning was never enough, everyday a new event mastered, was elated…again felt something, did not understand…. Left it again. …. As life got used to the pleasantries of the world, there developed a desire to ask for them. Yes, I learned to ask…. I never knew why I wanted things …I just wanted them as they made me happy. Everything was mine…. All that I wanted…. Yes, it was mine. Never realized when desires were shadowing the purest emotion of the heart.
Ringa Ringa Roses, Pocket full of poses, husha busha … and we all fall down. Life was indeed a garden full of roses, never knew what a fall could be. Life revolved around the people I knew, was not so vast. Blissful is the age of innocence. It sees no difference. It only knows to smile, play, and love and share things with all those who reciprocate.
Now, old enough to go to a school, excitement was full bound…well, not quite so as, the day one experience was a bit lonely and frightening. Slowly made new friends, of course these were of my size. School became the most enjoyable place. I would not miss. A place where the innocence learned different ways of life. Living was sharing, playing, wondering and laughing. There were failures and victory in games and among friends, however the realm of enjoyment was above all.
As I grew I was upgraded to bigger classes…. unlike the earlier ones these demanded more concentration, more books, more effort, less play. Always wondered why all this was needed but was told that they would prepare me for life. Life, what was so wrong that I had to prepare???... Too deep a thought for an age that had no responsibilities.
Time with friends was long gone, the era was different. With complete control over self and full independence, confidence evolved. The confidence of being able to do anything, accomplish everything. There was a healthy spirit of competition. The innocence got knowledgeable, and smart.
Things moved at their pace, time too sway its winds. Each new year was an excitement; all that was new to the eyes was astonishment. A will to try, attempt all possible… well, it did not limit to that, but more to succeed, never to fail. The trials of never to fail gave rise to the greed for victory. Where had all innocence and laughter gone, now the heart and mind are filled with envy? Envying all those who were successful. The need for existence had become a race for self-recognition and more to be successful.
The feeling that the immature mind once felt, took full control. All that was once an identity now became the pride. The ego and pride for being the best. Was I really the best? Was I the only best…? These questions were far beyond the space. Ambition blinded wisdom and the ability to judge. The only existing was the “I”.
After reaching the summit of success, having no more room to fly, life got suffocated. Tired of running...!!! Suddenly felt that others in the race had gone past me. Truly the world is colorful yet bizarre. A fear of losing, a fear of failure clawed the mind. What then, if some one else would become the best? It was the same insecurity of the child. Bang Bang the Roses …… my pockets seemed empty… I fell down and there were people looking at me; I could never recognize them till now, The ignorance was so high!!...Felt low, depressed. These were the people whom I once thought to be lower.
It is so amazing, not only individual experiences different emotions, but several individuals react with various emotions for a single instant. A humor for someone was a humiliation for another.
Really, the human brain is such a fine and sophisticated machine easy to get complicated. Understanding was not very easy but easier was misunderstanding. The line in-between is so faint not easily seen. Confused about self, depressed, ashamed, defeated! It hurt but nothing changed. Everything and everyone was at the same place. The situations were the same, only roles interchanged. Just a matter of perception changed all. Life was never a race with others, but with own self. Was I not best in myself, improving each day, getting better every moment. I was lost and now found, realized success came through learning, and failure was the lesson. What did I learn!---------- Patience! It reviewed the entire book of my life, giving a new meaning to understand and share joy. Triumph was always mine if I accepted it as it is. I was always aware of this simple truth as a child..... that was the reason I was always happy and merry then. The age of innocence proved to be wiser than the fully grown Ignorance that gave birth to arrogance. Age does not give maturity but wisdom does.
Life never taught how to smile. It never decided our victory, nor did it ever decide our fall. Had it taught how to cry it would have changed them all. An open book left out to be read, life never asked us to read it, nor to leave it. It only showed choices of emotions we had to act, and we do as according to our wish.
Yes indeed, I have come many steps past, uncountable with so many emotions emerging, roaring each with a different taste, all making the potion of life. Incomplete without either, reminding that life is beautiful, every moment is pleasant. It is in the way we want to taste. The choice is ours.
